God With Us...In All Of It...

Tonight I went carolling with our church choir (we call it songsters).

It was a great night, and I felt blessed to be a part of spreading some Christmas cheer and truths in the form of song.

I think I also cheered myself up and gained some perspective tonight.

About what's important.
About how even if I don't always feel a part of all the Christmas happenings at church (this year mainly due to sickness), I am still a part of the body of Christ.
About when Paul spoke about one body with many parts, and them having different roles, all to build up the whole, that's what he was talking about.

Sometimes I am the feet, the voice; walking the paths to spread the message of Jesus. Other times I am the heart, the mind, the hands lifted in prayer, while unable to be doing the physical work but still able to uphold those who are doing it.

I think I've felt it all deeply lately. I've been so used to doing and being busy at christmas time. This year I've felt left out. Not needed. Like the time has passed me by without much being accomplished.

The mundane tasks of each day seem to be the same over and over.
I pick up toys, tidy up, do dishes and washing, and it seems when I turn around they're all ready to be done again.
I've asked what's the point many times in the last few weeks.
What's the point of this over and over again activity without end?
What's the point of ironing out the same squabbles daily?
What's the point of trying to clean up the same messes every day?
Why do I bother?
These are sobering questions, when it feels like all your activity is meaningless.

Just now, I see a pattern.

Messes are a sign that there is life.
If you go into a house that doesn't look like its been touched by human hands, especially not little grubby ones, its a house, not a home. Dose anyone live here?

Jesus cleaned up messes every day...
Jesus healed over and over again...
He spoke words of life, He came to touch and restore that which was unclean...
It must have seemed endless...
Pain, suffering, mess, dirt, hurt, brokenness...
He saw it all, but He didn't shy away...
He knew there was a point to it all...
Love... Life...

Messes, the muck and mire of everyday, that seems to be endless, is a sure sign of life. The mess is inside and outside of us.
Living life in the midst of it all is what it's all about.

The loving God and loving others.
One flows from the other.

And it truly is the message of Christmas - a gift to all, a baby, coming down to us in the midst of all this mess. Straight into it in fact - a stable, a feeding trough...

New life to give new life.

The greatest gift of all given to all.

Emmanuel... God with us, in our midst, amongst us, part of us...

For us... not against, not apart from, not aloof, not just an onlooker...

In the muck and mire with us... becoming the muck and more for us...
conquering it for us...

And I realise I'm thankful for the seemingly endless tasks, because I am starting to see the point.

The constant needs from my family, the endless cleaning, tidying, sorting, fixing, washing...
Reminds me of what I need Jesus to do for me... prompts me to constantly be seeking, abiding, being open to God's continuous work in my life, that is never finished, but always a work in progress...

And so the mundane is Holy... the insignificant the most important of all...
I'm just beginning to really see...
There is a point...

Reclaimed... Still!

This week I have reclaimed something in a big way.

After months of anxiety, doubting what I believe and questioning my self, I am finally feeling okay.
About all of those things.

I've also realised some things about myself and about God.

I've realised that I am likeable, friendly, warm and made in the image of God.
I've realised that I am loved by God.
I've realised that I don't have to earn God's grace - He gave it freely through Jesus.
I've realised that I don't have to take on board what other people think of me.
I've realised that I am not under law, but under grace.
I've realised how blessed and loved I am by people around me.

Some of these things I've realised for the first time, others I have realised afresh and in a new and real way.

The Impossible Made Possible

I've been listening to the Bethel Music album Tides, and there are so many great songs!
One that I have in my head and that I'm listening to over and over is 'Ascend', by William Matthews.

'We will ascend the hill of The Lord
And we will declare His holy word
With clean hands and pure hearts
With clean hands and pure hearts
We will see God

When we see Him we'll be like Him
Face to face we'll know what love is'

As I was listening to these words, I remembered Psalm 24:3&4

"Who may ascend the mountain of The Lord?
Who may stand in His holy place?
The one who has clean hands and a pure heart..."

Remembering this, and then hearing the lyrics of 'Ascend', where it says:
WE WILL ascend the hill of The Lord...

And I thought about what, or rather, who, made the difference.
JESUS!

He changes the question into a statement.
He takes the uncertainty and makes it certain.
He takes the impossible and makes it possible.

It's because of Jesus that we can ascend the hill of The Lord.
His redeeming work that gives us clean hands and a pure heart.
Because of Him standing in our place, tearing the veil, so that we can see God.

Praise His Holy Name!
Thankyou Jesus for making a way!

Because I Am His!

I've always been a person who looks to other people for approval.
To know whether what I'm doing, saying and being is okay. Acceptable. Enough.
I'm sure many people can identify with me in this.
Caring about what other people think too much.

I've come to realise, though, that I don't need to live my life this way.
I don't have to wonder if I'm okay, if I'm enough by the worlds standards.
I don't have to filter my thoughts, feelings, and actions each minute to make sure I am acceptable to other people.

I can still be careful what I say and how I act towards others, but that is not to look for approval, but to treat people kindly.

The reason I can be confident in who I am and not have to constantly seek the approval of others is because of JESUS.
Because I am His.
He is my Saviour.
He loves me, and died for me.
So I don't have to be endlessly grasping for love, for worthiness, for approval, or striving to be enough.

Through my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I am enough.
He has made me worthy.

All that would tell me I am not enough and all that would tell me I am not okay has been conquered, has been broken and dealt with, and I do not have to listen to it.

And I've leant that there will still be those voices. The ones that try to condemn, that try to destroy and tear down.

But I don't have to agree with them. I can choose to agree, instead, with what God says about me, and what I know about my Jesus, and what He has done for me.

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us"
Romans 8:37

"...because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world"
1 John 4:4

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2

"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For The Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

The Beginning & The End

As we near Christmas, I reflect upon what it means to me

Of course, it means a baby, a newborn
So human, a little bundle of joy

And I think of any child, and the hopes and dreams carried by the mother and father
What will he/she be when they grow
Hoping they'll do a good job and not mess up

I think of Mary, what she knew, the things she tucked away and pondered in her heart
Of Joseph, and the weight of responsibility felt

Of Jesus, growing and learning in the things of His Father

And I can't think of the newborn baby Jesus without thinking of what I know followed in the years to come
All that He became
All that He is

I think of a mother's heart broken at the cries of a son who was dying for all, yes, including her

Of a Father having to turn His face away from the sin upon His son, knowing that is why He sent Him to earth as a baby boy in the first place

To me, the start of the story isn't whole without the acknowledgement in my heart of the story's end...

...which was truly just the beginning.... But that's another blog post....

Truth and ?

For a long time now, I have struggled with the term "truth and grace"

It seems a lot of things have been said to me and others that have been described as speaking the truth in love, or speaking with truth and grace on a matter.

I've since realised that a lot of this was actually bullying, and the reason I didn't feel the grace part of the equation is because it didn't exist. There was no grace, only "truth".

And so, I hear the term "truth and grace" and "speaking the truth in love" and I bristle.

I think if you're speaking with truth and grace to someone, you shouldn't have to tell them that you are, it should be obvious.

Obvious because of the genuine love, because of the connection you have with that person, and because there is evidence that they are speaking with truth and grace because they have a relationship with the only one who has ever really exuded truth and grace, Jesus.

So with the words we speak, with the way we live our lives, are we truly showing truth and grace, the way Jesus showed it or is it a human version where it covers up our attempts to judge others and enforce rules and religion on them?

Hard questions, perhaps?

Maybe it hurts a bit, because we've either been the one who has tried using the human version, or maybe it's been us who's done the false truth and grace wielding.

Either way, I wonder what Jesus would like us to do.

I'm thinking His answer might involve something regarding specks and logs and eyes, and lots and lots of loving others and humbly walking with them on their journey.

The "Be" Series...

I have an app on my phone called "Word" and its a daily devotional.
A the moment it's a "Be" series, and I've been blown away the last few days at how it is speaking to me and coinciding with words spoken over me and things I am working through in my journey.
I've journaled briefly what each day has spoken the most to me about, and I thought I would share, because I thought it might be a blessing to others as well. It counts down backwards, because, well, that's the way I started it and I couldn't be bothers typing it all out again in order ;-)
Many blessings!!

Word app
Be series

Day 8 - Be Hopeful
Heb 6:19
Hope in Jesus... Compels us to love deeper, be patient longer and to live with expectancy...
fear and hurt do the opposite work of hope...that's why Jesus says He comes to make "all things new". Old, worn out, broken down and given- up on things.

Day 7 - be generous
Luke 6:38
Much blessing in being a blessing
It'll transform you from the inside out and ultimately bring blessing back to you

-----people who go to Ballarat Community Church - this was yesterday's, and remember what the sermon was about?! Wow!----------

Day 6- be strong
Deuteronomy 31:6
Don't get caught up in being strong on your own
Paul says in Cor 12 " it's in my weakness He is made strong"

Day 5- be forgiving
Eph 4:32
Choose today to let go of the pain of past situations and relationships

Day 4- be happy
1 Thes 5:16
That's why this verse says, "always rejoice"- its saying that the decision lies with you

Day 3- be bold
Eph 6:19
This is not a heavy have to thing but its a this is what should flow from your heart if you love me thing.
Listen to the spirit and fight against the voice of fear.

This verse was amazing to me after a friend spoke pretty much the same thing over me the night before! God is so good!

Day 2- be thankful
Eph 5:20
Comparison is damaging and undermines the uniqueness in which God has created each of us.
One of the most transformational concepts within the bible is thankfulness.

Day 1- be still
Psalm 46:10
Elijah hears God as a still small voice (1 Kings 19)
Finding a quiet moment where you say nothing and you give God room to speak to you.

The Ordinary Extraordinary

It's a lot easier to talk about the big issues in the world and in other people's lives than to live and walk in the everyday of our own lives.

The mundane, daily tasks, and the thoughts and to do lists we are dealing with right now can seem overwhelming, and not exciting enough.

Maybe we are living in the past, and wishing things were how they used to be.
Remembering makes us wish we were back there. But we can't change that.
Seasons change, we move on and so do other people. Life keeps moving.

Maybe we think everything will be better in the future, when we're married, we've had children, we have this qualification, we've got more money, etc...
But we're looking so far ahead, we're not really living and doing the things we need to at this moment. Not really present, not really participating in life.

Each day we wake up with hours in front of us ready to be filled.
With the daily tasks; with housework, phone calls, paying bills, feeding families, driving from here to there and back, and on and on...
It can seem that nothing of worth is being done.

Looking back, we wonder if we said anything lasting, anything that will make a difference tomorrow. Did my family feel loved, important, their needs met and satisfied?
Did I get anything done that will still be done tomorrow?
Was there any point to my day?

Then I read that Jesus walked and talked with normal, everyday people.
He ate with them, sat with them, lived amongst them.
He broke bread, and participated in the seemingly mundane of life, just like us.
He heard people, really heard them.
He came down to our world.

He showed us that as we live and work together, as we go about our daily business, we can leave footprints that make a difference.
A word here, a smile there, a touch of the hand.
A meal shared, a drink offered.

It's all normal, daily routine.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
But it is in the words, the smiles, the touches, the meals and the thirsts quenched that we share life.
And sharing life with each other is the ultimate way to show how much we love and care, isn't it?

Jesus shared life with ordinary people here on earth.
His words, His touch, His broken bread, His life poured out.

And so the mundane and everyday becomes a life giving, life changing gift.
In the small and ordinary, we find the big and extraordinary.

When Faith Is Not As Solid As It Is Fluid

I used to think of faith as something solid, unmoving and never changing, and that through the ups and downs and mistakes of my life I was either holding on to it, or letting go of it.
It was something I could walk away from, or cling to, but not something that was within me, a part of me.
My experience of faith has changed my thoughts and understanding of it.
I don't think faith is so much solid as it is fluid.
Something that is not a separate entity to me, but a part of me, it moves with me, growing and changing as I do.
I don't cling to it, but rather it is a permanent part of me, as much a part of me as the breath moving in and out of my body.
Sometimes it seems so small, like I barely notice it's presence, but I've learnt that it is still always there, flowing and growing and becoming, with me on my journey.

Reclaim...

I've been through a time of searching, after experiencing anxiety with my third child, a beautiful girl.

As I felt the grip of fear and anxiety in my life, I felt like I was losing control, losing who I am, like I didn't know what was real and true about God or anything else.

I've always loved to write, to read, but I struggled with the things that usually came easily to me, the things that made me feel alive and made me feel like I could be me.

Some days I still struggle with the anxiety, the shakiness, the worrying, but I feel like I'm coming to the other side of it.

In all of this I've learnt that God is real, in every season.

Where I live in Australia, it is the beginning of winter, and I've always loved this time of year.
Not a lot of life is seen on the outside, but on the inside, there is preparation happening. New life is getting ready to spring forth!

I like to call it the season of the soul.
This is what I feel I have been through in my journey, a season of sorting and sifting, of recycling, giving away and reclaiming.

Letting go of the things that have brought me down, stopping the things I think or say that leave me in fear and anxiety.
Reclaiming the positive things I believe and know about life, about God.

In the middle of all this, I feel like I am able to reclaim joy, peace and the enjoyment of doing life with the 'IF' in the middle.

Because I know that God is a God of new beginnings, and that through the messiness of life, in the small and big things that may come at us, His love and grace is big enough to stand on.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

Season of the Soul

June has begun, and for me it is a wonderful time of year.

It means scarves, hot tea and coffee, chicken and veggie soup, hearty casseroles, and curling up with a good book and a blanket.

Winter is often described as a cold, bare and melancholy season.
New life is yet to come forth in the following spring.

As if life and growth has stopped... on the outside.

But on the inside... where we can't see... life goes on, preparation is happening.

It is the season of the soul for me, reflecting on what's happening in my life, the growth I have gone through and need to go through on the inside.

Not cold or bare, but ready to burst with new life, after reflection, and yes, maybe some melancholy moments.

So I'm not yearning for spring, or looking forward to the end of this beautiful season.
I want to face it, enjoy it, do life through it.

There is a real, raw beauty in this season.
Both the physical season of winter, and the inner season of the soul.

Thanking God for His wisdom and love and grace through each and every season of life.

Blessings xxx

No Name

It's been a while since I have posted anything on this blog.

One reason I began this particular blog was that I recognised how I was searching for what I believed, and how I would live that out. This was a place to talk freely, to share, to write about what was going on in my head and my heart (sometimes its scary how much is in there!).

For a really long time I feel like I've been looking for the right label for myself. Do I call myself a fundamentalist, or more of a liberal? Do I believe women should or shouldn't speak in church? Do I think homeschooling is best or sending my kids to school? What is my position on gay marriage?
Am I this or am I that?

Do you know how exhausting it is? If you do, I'm sure you can empathise, if not, it will probably come one day ;)

So for awhile I haven't really wanted to identify with any label.

In my head I've gone back and forth between fundamental and liberal, and so my views and opinions on things have changed a few times.

I had work it out though, because its been doing my head in!

What is the one thing I know for certain I believe and want to live out, no matter what extreme I could be?

The answer to that question is that I believe in Jesus Christ as my Saviour.

I realised I don't have to apply any other label.
I don't have to know what I believe about everything else!
This one question I can answer trumps all those I can't.

So there's a lot I don't know still, but I do know the answer to that one important question!

A Year Of Biblical Womanhood - My thoughts...

My thoughts on:

A Year of Biblical Womanhood

How a liberated woman found herself sitting on her roof, covering her head, and calling her husband ‘Master’

For a couple of years I had been quite confused and concerned about the idea of Biblical Womanhood. I’d never really come across it until a year or so earlier, and here I was being a woman, and a person who believed in the bible.

Was I a biblical woman?

What did it take to be classified a biblical woman?

When I heard that Rachel Held Evans was doing this project and writing the book, I was intrigued, and excited that someone was thinking along these lines.

Some people thought it would be making a mockery of the Bible, other people thought, like me I guess, it was a fascinating idea, and were waiting to hear about how it went.

For my birthday I got an iPad and as soon as I had my kindle app ready to go, I bought the book!

To be honest, from start to finish I laughed, I cried, I cried out YES, and I found myself finally identifying with what being a woman, and one who believed in God, meant.

The confusion I have felt regarding biblical womanhood was addressed quite early on,

“After all, technically speaking, it is biblical for a woman to be sold by her father (Exodus 21:7), biblical for her to be forced to marry her rapist (Deuteronomy 22:28-29), biblical for her to remain silent in church (1 Corinthians 14:34-35), biblical for her to cover her head (1 Corinthians 11:6), and biblical for her to be one of multiple wives (Exodus 21:10).

This is why the notion of  “biblical womanhood” so intrigued me.

Could an ancient collection of sacred texts, spanning multiple genres and assembled over thousands of years in cultures very different than our own, really offer a single cohesive formula for how to be a woman? And do all the women of Scripture fit into this same mould? Must I?

I’m the sort of person who likes to identify the things that most terrify and intrigue me in this world and plunge headlong into them… it’s the reason I woke up one morning with a crazy idea lighting up every corner of my brain.

What if I tried it all? What if I took “biblical womanhood” literally?”

For Rachel, this would mean for the next year, her “Biblical Woman’s Ten Commandments” would serve as a guide for daily living…

Involving activities such as:

Submitting to her husband’s will, devoting herself to duties of the home, dressing modestly, covering her head when in prayer, not cutting her hair, not teaching in church, remaining ceremonially impure for her period, learning how to cook, calling her husband “Master”, and more.

Each month Rachel focused on a different virtue – gentleness, domesticity, obedience, valour, beauty, modesty, purity, fertility, submission, justice, silence and grace.

Rather than mocking the bible or criticising women who are homemakers, Rachel celebrates all women.

Those who work outside the home, those who work inside the home, those who are married, those who are single.

Because being a woman is not about being tied to a certain role or task. It is not being limited to a realm of service.

“Knowing that God both inhabits and transcends our daily vocations, no matter how glorious or mundane, should be enough to unite all women of faith and end that nasty cycle of judgement we get caught in these days.”

There seems to be a lot of this around.

The should and shouldn’t, can and cant, right and wrong in regards to being a Christian woman.

Confusion and debate can end up defining how we relate to each other. Through reading Rachel’s book, I learnt what we should be saying to each other instead.

Eshet Chayil!!

Proverbs 31 is a passage of scripture that  “many Christians interpret prescriptively, as a command to women rather than an ode to women, with the home-based endeavours of the Proverbs 31 women cast as the ideal lifestyle for all women of faith.”

“In Jewish culture it is not the women who memorise Proverbs 31, but the men. Husbands commit each line to memory, so they can recite it to their wives at the Sabbath meal…”

So, not a list of rules, but a blessing, to celebrate women. Not because of what they do, but because of who they are!

Women of valour (Eshet Chayil)!

“Eshet Chayil at its core is a blessing – one that was never meant to be earned, but to be given, unconditionally.”

Rachel’s journey of A Year of Biblical Womanhood led her to an “unconventional conclusion…there is no such thing”

“Among the women praised in scripture are warriors, widows, slaves, sister wives, apostles, teachers, concubines, queens, foreigners, prostitutes, prophets, mothers, and martyrs…”

“As much as we may long for the simplicity of a single definition of ‘biblical womanhood’, there is no one right way to be a woman, no mould into which we must each cram ourselves…”

Personally, when I read these words I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. I’ve tried to fit into the mould, tried to be a ‘biblical woman’, tried to follow dos’ and don’t’s and it doesn’t work.

God created us all differently. Giftings, passions, personalities, quirks, desires, etc…

We are unique. We are woman made by a creative God, who has a different work for each of us to do.

We have a common goal and calling though, and Rachel touches on this beautifully…

“… I believe that my calling as a Christian, is the same as that as any follower of Jesus. My calling is to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love my neighbour as myself. Jesus himself said that the rest of scripture can be rendered down into these two commands. If love was Jesus’ definition of ‘biblical’, then perhaps it should be mine.”

Amen! Eshet Chayil!!

All quotes from "A Year Of Biblical Womanhood", Rachel Held Evans, 2012

God Is Always There

I sit up on the lookout
To watch the ocean waves
They always look so beautiful
That's how I know that

God is always there
Watching over His creation
God is always there
Come see the things that He has done
He watches over you
Because you're a part of His creation too

When I see His creation
I have to bow in awe
The things He's done for you and me
If only they knew that

God is always there
Watching over His creation
God is always there
Come see the things that He has done
He watches over you
Because you're a part of His creation too

- I wrote this about 10 years ago sitting at the Queenscliff lookout :)

Learning to control my thoughts

Written in early December 2012

Sometimes I sit here with so many thoughts and I don't know what to do with them all.
Housework I need to do, looking after my kids, packing for going away, mainly music next year, things I'd like to write, Thomas at kinder next year, appointments I have or need to make, folding I need to do, lists I need to make.
My mind feels so full.
I feel a bit suffocated.
I feel so out of my depth with all the shoulds and must dos and what ifs and when this happens I'll be happy, etc...
Where do I take it all?
What do I do with it all?
What really matters out of it all?
Worry and anxiety has begun to define me, and so I am on a journey of defining it, so I can eliminate it.
When I'm worried, I ask myself, can I do anything about it?
If not, I distract from it using shutting off techniques (word games, doing something relaxing, etc...)
If I can, I make a note of what I can do (if it can't be done right away)
If its something I can do right away, I do it.
Learning to identify and resolve the uncomfortable feelings and energy is helping me to minimise anxiety.
To realise that I can control my thoughts and behaviours in response to situations has been freeing and is starting to change the way I see all of life and respond to all of life.

Mother

Mother

Mother is a little girl who trod my path before me;

Just a bigger, wiser little girl who ran ahead-

Bigger, wiser, stronger girl who always watches o’er me,

One who knows the pitfalls in the rugged road I tread.

Mother is a playmate who will always treat me kindly-

Playmate who will yield me what true happiness demands.

She will never let my feet stray into brambles blindly-

Mother’s just a bigger little girl who understands.

Mother is an older little playmate who’ll befriend me-

Yesteryear she travelled in the path that’s mine today.

Never need I fear a foe from which she might defend me-

Faithful little pal who ran ahead and learned the way.

________________________

To my beautiful mother Lee - I love you

I don't know who wrote this poem, but it is taken from page 6 of Rachel Ashwell's book 'My Rooms, Treasures and Trinkets'

My One Word for 2013

My One Word for 2013

The last couple of years some of the people whose blogs I follow have talked about their one word for the year.

This year I have decided it might be something good for me to try out. Last year was a good but hard one, with being pregnant with my third child for the first half of it, then having my beautiful girl in July and a couple of months later being diagnosed with anxiety disorder.

The subsequent time I have spent getting back to myself and seeing a psychologist to work on self esteem and managing anxiety skills has made me look a bit closer at who I am again.

Not the roles I have in life, but what I like, what I don’t like, my passions, things I enjoy doing, what I believe, etc…

I feel like I am finally finding the real me, after twenty-eight years of life. But also realising that the real me has always been there, but life has helped me to journey along and feel more comfortable and happy with who the real me is.

I want to be me. I want to be honest about the things I feel, the things I believe, who I am deep inside. I don’t want to be a mystery to myself or to others. I want to share who God has made me to be with people around me, to be a blessing and to do life with them.

So with all this in mind, my one word for 2013 is ‘REAL’

I want to be real in my relationships, about how I’m feeling, with my faith, and generally real with how I do life.

No hiding or pretending. I want to be real.