Wholehearted

Last year my ONE WORD was real.

It was about living in a real way, being who I am, being honest about how I am.

I think it helped me to realise that it's important to be real in life.

Pretending and just saying you're okay all the time doesn't lead to anywhere.

This year I've been thinking about how I want to continue that, and how I want to live my life in a way that I am fully participating in it. In my relationships, in my faith, in my health, in the daily stuff of life.

I want to live, and I want to live fully.

I've recently finished reading a book by Brene Brown called Daring Greatly, and have just started one of her other books called The Gifts of Imperfection. In her books she talks about living and loving Wholeheartedly. 

Words that describe how this is lived out, she says in her book, are worthiness, rest, play, trust, faith, intuition, hope, authenticity, love, belonging, joy, gratitude, and creativity. 

Embracing our tenderness and vulnerability.

I think this year's ONE WORD, wholehearted, has found me.

It describes exactly for me how I want to live my life.

It embraces that life isn't about living or loving perfectly, and that in living wholeheartedly, each day is full of love and life, and that it is, actually, in the day to day, often mundane parts of life that joy can be found. Not needing to seek for bigger, better things, but being fully present where I am and finding things to be grateful for each day.

I don't want to write a list of things to do in order to blog about my ONE WORD, but there are a few things I'd like to (flexibly) try in order to live out this word this year.

- To finish reading The Gifts of Imperfection and write what I thought about it, and some favourite quotes from it.

- 365 Days of Gratitude - a photo each day of something I'm grateful for or that has brought me joy.

- Think and write about how 'wholehearted' is helping me to live my life, and how it is impacting my life as a wife, mum, daughter, Jesus follower, friend, etc...

Have you got ONE WORD for 2014, or is there a verse from scripture, or a list of things you'd like to make of this year?

As well as my word wholehearted, there is a verse from Isaiah 60:1 that I think sums up living wholeheartedly for God...

God With Us...In All Of It...

Tonight I went carolling with our church choir (we call it songsters).

It was a great night, and I felt blessed to be a part of spreading some Christmas cheer and truths in the form of song.

I think I also cheered myself up and gained some perspective tonight.

About what's important.
About how even if I don't always feel a part of all the Christmas happenings at church (this year mainly due to sickness), I am still a part of the body of Christ.
About when Paul spoke about one body with many parts, and them having different roles, all to build up the whole, that's what he was talking about.

Sometimes I am the feet, the voice; walking the paths to spread the message of Jesus. Other times I am the heart, the mind, the hands lifted in prayer, while unable to be doing the physical work but still able to uphold those who are doing it.

I think I've felt it all deeply lately. I've been so used to doing and being busy at christmas time. This year I've felt left out. Not needed. Like the time has passed me by without much being accomplished.

The mundane tasks of each day seem to be the same over and over.
I pick up toys, tidy up, do dishes and washing, and it seems when I turn around they're all ready to be done again.
I've asked what's the point many times in the last few weeks.
What's the point of this over and over again activity without end?
What's the point of ironing out the same squabbles daily?
What's the point of trying to clean up the same messes every day?
Why do I bother?
These are sobering questions, when it feels like all your activity is meaningless.

Just now, I see a pattern.

Messes are a sign that there is life.
If you go into a house that doesn't look like its been touched by human hands, especially not little grubby ones, its a house, not a home. Dose anyone live here?

Jesus cleaned up messes every day...
Jesus healed over and over again...
He spoke words of life, He came to touch and restore that which was unclean...
It must have seemed endless...
Pain, suffering, mess, dirt, hurt, brokenness...
He saw it all, but He didn't shy away...
He knew there was a point to it all...
Love... Life...

Messes, the muck and mire of everyday, that seems to be endless, is a sure sign of life. The mess is inside and outside of us.
Living life in the midst of it all is what it's all about.

The loving God and loving others.
One flows from the other.

And it truly is the message of Christmas - a gift to all, a baby, coming down to us in the midst of all this mess. Straight into it in fact - a stable, a feeding trough...

New life to give new life.

The greatest gift of all given to all.

Emmanuel... God with us, in our midst, amongst us, part of us...

For us... not against, not apart from, not aloof, not just an onlooker...

In the muck and mire with us... becoming the muck and more for us...
conquering it for us...

And I realise I'm thankful for the seemingly endless tasks, because I am starting to see the point.

The constant needs from my family, the endless cleaning, tidying, sorting, fixing, washing...
Reminds me of what I need Jesus to do for me... prompts me to constantly be seeking, abiding, being open to God's continuous work in my life, that is never finished, but always a work in progress...

And so the mundane is Holy... the insignificant the most important of all...
I'm just beginning to really see...
There is a point...

Reclaimed... Still!

This week I have reclaimed something in a big way.

After months of anxiety, doubting what I believe and questioning my self, I am finally feeling okay.
About all of those things.

I've also realised some things about myself and about God.

I've realised that I am likeable, friendly, warm and made in the image of God.
I've realised that I am loved by God.
I've realised that I don't have to earn God's grace - He gave it freely through Jesus.
I've realised that I don't have to take on board what other people think of me.
I've realised that I am not under law, but under grace.
I've realised how blessed and loved I am by people around me.

Some of these things I've realised for the first time, others I have realised afresh and in a new and real way.

The Impossible Made Possible

I've been listening to the Bethel Music album Tides, and there are so many great songs!
One that I have in my head and that I'm listening to over and over is 'Ascend', by William Matthews.

'We will ascend the hill of The Lord
And we will declare His holy word
With clean hands and pure hearts
With clean hands and pure hearts
We will see God

When we see Him we'll be like Him
Face to face we'll know what love is'

As I was listening to these words, I remembered Psalm 24:3&4

"Who may ascend the mountain of The Lord?
Who may stand in His holy place?
The one who has clean hands and a pure heart..."

Remembering this, and then hearing the lyrics of 'Ascend', where it says:
WE WILL ascend the hill of The Lord...

And I thought about what, or rather, who, made the difference.
JESUS!

He changes the question into a statement.
He takes the uncertainty and makes it certain.
He takes the impossible and makes it possible.

It's because of Jesus that we can ascend the hill of The Lord.
His redeeming work that gives us clean hands and a pure heart.
Because of Him standing in our place, tearing the veil, so that we can see God.

Praise His Holy Name!
Thankyou Jesus for making a way!

Because I Am His!

I've always been a person who looks to other people for approval.
To know whether what I'm doing, saying and being is okay. Acceptable. Enough.
I'm sure many people can identify with me in this.
Caring about what other people think too much.

I've come to realise, though, that I don't need to live my life this way.
I don't have to wonder if I'm okay, if I'm enough by the worlds standards.
I don't have to filter my thoughts, feelings, and actions each minute to make sure I am acceptable to other people.

I can still be careful what I say and how I act towards others, but that is not to look for approval, but to treat people kindly.

The reason I can be confident in who I am and not have to constantly seek the approval of others is because of JESUS.
Because I am His.
He is my Saviour.
He loves me, and died for me.
So I don't have to be endlessly grasping for love, for worthiness, for approval, or striving to be enough.

Through my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I am enough.
He has made me worthy.

All that would tell me I am not enough and all that would tell me I am not okay has been conquered, has been broken and dealt with, and I do not have to listen to it.

And I've leant that there will still be those voices. The ones that try to condemn, that try to destroy and tear down.

But I don't have to agree with them. I can choose to agree, instead, with what God says about me, and what I know about my Jesus, and what He has done for me.

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us"
Romans 8:37

"...because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world"
1 John 4:4

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2

"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For The Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

The Beginning & The End

As we near Christmas, I reflect upon what it means to me

Of course, it means a baby, a newborn
So human, a little bundle of joy

And I think of any child, and the hopes and dreams carried by the mother and father
What will he/she be when they grow
Hoping they'll do a good job and not mess up

I think of Mary, what she knew, the things she tucked away and pondered in her heart
Of Joseph, and the weight of responsibility felt

Of Jesus, growing and learning in the things of His Father

And I can't think of the newborn baby Jesus without thinking of what I know followed in the years to come
All that He became
All that He is

I think of a mother's heart broken at the cries of a son who was dying for all, yes, including her

Of a Father having to turn His face away from the sin upon His son, knowing that is why He sent Him to earth as a baby boy in the first place

To me, the start of the story isn't whole without the acknowledgement in my heart of the story's end...

...which was truly just the beginning.... But that's another blog post....

Truth and ?

For a long time now, I have struggled with the term "truth and grace"

It seems a lot of things have been said to me and others that have been described as speaking the truth in love, or speaking with truth and grace on a matter.

I've since realised that a lot of this was actually bullying, and the reason I didn't feel the grace part of the equation is because it didn't exist. There was no grace, only "truth".

And so, I hear the term "truth and grace" and "speaking the truth in love" and I bristle.

I think if you're speaking with truth and grace to someone, you shouldn't have to tell them that you are, it should be obvious.

Obvious because of the genuine love, because of the connection you have with that person, and because there is evidence that they are speaking with truth and grace because they have a relationship with the only one who has ever really exuded truth and grace, Jesus.

So with the words we speak, with the way we live our lives, are we truly showing truth and grace, the way Jesus showed it or is it a human version where it covers up our attempts to judge others and enforce rules and religion on them?

Hard questions, perhaps?

Maybe it hurts a bit, because we've either been the one who has tried using the human version, or maybe it's been us who's done the false truth and grace wielding.

Either way, I wonder what Jesus would like us to do.

I'm thinking His answer might involve something regarding specks and logs and eyes, and lots and lots of loving others and humbly walking with them on their journey.